journey of a blessed family

Sorry to keep you hanging all week...last Friday's post was quite an exciting event, huh? I refer to it now as 'my public meltdown'! I'm happy to report that very shortly after pounding my fists on Daddy's chest and crying in His arms, I felt much better! I had a greater sense of peace and, dare I say it, patience. Well, maybe not patience, maybe just a resignation that being upset wasn't solving anything and wouldn't make anything happen (except maybe to make me and everyone around me miserable) and so, I determined (yet again) to continue to wait a bit more quietly. I'm trying to be more positive...I'm trying to focus on other things....I'm trying--really, I'm trying!

Having said that, however, there has been a greater sense of expectation this week (from everyone, not just me) that an LOA is coming--SOON. We're just on the verge of 120 days (4 months!) and even most of the slow ones come by that point. I've stayed calm...I've hoped...Of course, I've prayed that God would grant our plea...Today is Friday--the last day we could hear something this week--so the tension is mounting--the expectation is high....


Each morning I get an email from Air1 radio station and each morning I read the verse and ponder it and wonder how it relates to me/how I can live it out/how will it come to pass in my life/what do I need to change to live this verse/WHAT IS IT SAYING FOR ME TODAY? Sometimes I'm glad to claim the verse and other days it's a little harder. But, I'm always hoping for a direct word of encouragement especially about our adoption process and our wait. Well, this morning when I opened my email and read the Air1 verse of the day, this is what I found:

To which I immediately replied: "NOOOOOOO!!"

If I'd thought I'd already been waiting bravely and courageously, then I would have assumed this was a sign that my wait was over--"Well done, brave and courageous servant! You have waited paitently and now I will grant your petition".....Darn....I can't claim that, because as you well know, I've been REALLY impatient!! I've been trying to pretend like I've been patient, but really, truly, probably NOT!!

You know, maybe I'm being a bit too hard on myself. I suppose there have been measures of patience peppered generously with some 'Why are You Ignoring Me?' temper tantrums and a few 'Wo is Me' sulkings as well as a handful of 'I Give Up!' moments of dispair. Is that what you would consider 'waiting patiently'? Hmmmm....maybe not. Although, when I think about King David and the Psalms, I think of HUNDREDS of verses where he says something to the effect of: "Just kill me now....life is so miserable....why have you abandoned me?....Why does everyone hate me?....Why aren't you doing something?" Basically some temper tantrums, sulkings and moments of dispair. Sound familiar? Maybe I'm not so pathetic after all! Maybe, as I said in my last post, I'm just human! Surely, God sees that I'm trying. There have been lots of moments where I've said (and meant) that I trust God's timing (even though I don't approve of it!) and that I've believed that He has the master plan all laid out (even though I don't see it yet) and that I've gone to sleep at night peacefully knowing that G's life is in His Father's hands (and that's been good enough for me.) Surely, that's something.

Ok, so I've been mostly brave and sort of courageous and have waited semi-patiently.....I wonder if that counts? Please, God, can that count for something?

**lunchtime update--got word from our agency that nothing came for us today....funny how much better I feel this week upon getting that news than I did last week (remember--public meltdown?) Maybe there's something to this 'waiting patiently for the Lord' thing!

...be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord! blessings, D