Merry Christmas!  

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


I had certainly hoped and prayed to have great news to share from China by today, but unfortunately we're at the 180 day mark and still have not received that blessed letter. [That's 6 months waiting for a letter that normally takes 2 or 3] China confirmed over a month ago that our file was finished with review and they would be sending the letter we're waiting for....and then they confirmed again last week that "preparations for our letter had begun and we MAY receive it SOON"...but, alas, nothing yet.

Yes, we're certainly disappointed and it's been a little difficult to get into the Christmas spirit this year because we fully believed all year that we would have our son home long before Christmas and yet we'll be celebrating it again without him....But don't fear, we are okay!

I've been trying to fight being really depressed about the whole situation and wanting to just curl up and pull the covers over my head...I've felt kind of bad about being sad--like I'm not being strong enough or something. But, God sent me a timely message a few days ago. Proverbs 13:12 says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Right after I said, "You got that right!!"...I realized, yes, I've definitely been heart-sick, but I guess it's nothing to be ashamed of...God acknowledged it right there in His word...I don't have to pretend it's not real or feel guilty because I've somehow failed. When something that you've been longing for, praying for, hoping for doesn't happen it makes you sad--even sick! What I do have to realize and cling to is that our hope, our longing, is deferred....delayed, not destroyed or abandoned. IT WILL COME (eventually) and when it does--CELEBRATION!!

We truly appreciate your prayers as we continue to wait and hold on to that HOPE...and we can't wait to be jumping for joy and shouting in celebration that our news has arrived!! It has to be soon--really!!

The pictures above are some from the past month or so...The kids enjoying counting down to Christmas with their Advent Calendars (last piece of chocolate was TODAY); a picture of my 'expecting' ornament (I already have three 'pregnant' ornaments on the tree from the years that I was expecting to give birth...this year's expectation is a little different but is now also commemorated by an ornament)...the boys playing basketball and some holiday poses---I sent a Christmas package with a camera to China this week, so hopefully I'll have some new pics of G to post soon....Enjoy the glimpses of what's going on in our family!

Praying you all have a Merry Christmas and a blessed 2009! Love, D


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150 Days Waiting for LOA ( and still counting)  

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

But amazingly, I'm fine! I can't believe it's been almost a month since my last post. And although that was 30 days added to our wait time, it was not nearly as painful as the previous days and weeks and months have been. Want to know why? I think I've finally mastered this 'waiting patiently for the Lord' thing that has been such a struggle for me--Praise God!

I've been reflecting back on this past month and have really seen God at work helping me to grasp the concept of 'waiting patiently'....Here's a couple excerpts from some recent emails I sent on the subject....

1) I was reading a devotional today that really spoke to me about not worrying or being upset about what's going on. (and not feeling bad about that--I think sometimes if I'm not actively thinking about it or if I haven't said at least three prayers by breakfast then I must not be doing enough even though I know constantly worrying about it is just spinning my wheels)

The scripture passage is from Genesis 50:15-21 where Joseph's father has died and his brothers are worried that Joseph will seek revenge. It includes the passage "What you intended for evil, God meant for good...."

The devotional says, "Sometimes our worry is the thread by which we hang onto the belief that we can do something to change our situation and end our fear. (yep, right so far) As ridiculous as it is, we believe that our anxiety gives us some measure of control. Or we believe it keeps God mindful of our problem. We are afraid that without the pressure of our fear, He might forget what we want from Him. But our anxiety and demanding prayers accomplish nothing. We fear giving up our fear because if we don't worry, who will remember to care? If we don't worry, would God decide we really aren't concerned about the issue? If we don't worry, are we giving up hope of God involving Himself in our world? (any of this hitting home so far or am I the only one it's speaking directly to?)

I think I actually gave up a week or so ago on being worried about timing--sure I'd have loved to have had my son by now or at least by Christmas, but at this point I'm shooting for Easter and anything sooner will just be a bonus!! (Lower expectations means less disappointment!) It actually seems to be working--I've been far less stressed about whether or not the phone is going to ring. If it does, great...if not, I'll just go about my business... it feels slightly like giving up, but I'm not withdrawing my dossier or anything...the adoption will still happen, but my anxiety is pointless, so why bother? [is this what resting in peace feels like--giving up???] That might have just been an epiphany!! :-)


2) When I released my expectation (demand) of traveling by Christmas, then it became less difficult to see each day pass and easier to rest on the truth that "it'll happen when God says it will happen" ?? I guess that's a good thing. It kind of feels like I've given up, but maybe that's what waiting in peace feels like?? I give up MY WILL for His.

3) It's been amazing lately how calm I've been with the wait. Of course I want to hear something RIGHT NOW, but I've somehow been able to say, "it's fine...If God doesn't want us to go yet, I trust Him to take care of G until He sends us" (and actually mean it!) Truly, I'd love to have news of our LOA before Thanksgiving--I hope God grants me that request. It was Thanksgiving Day last year that my husband gave me the great gift of agreeing that we should proceed with adopting G; so the timing would be nice if we could hear something in the next few days.

So, maybe you can also see that God has been working on my heart...I hope He's almost finished with this renovation (or this phase of the renovation, anyway) and can let us move on to the next step.

We did get some positive news a week or so ago that "our file was through the Review Room and awaiting issuance of our LOA" That means if they had had any questions or problems with our file, they would have asked them already--yay! but, I have no idea how long the next step will take--boo! So, I've been cautiously joyous and thankful to have taken another small step on the journey with a slight hint of 'I'll believe it [and be truly joyful] when I see it!' thrown in for good measure. (That does NOT mean I don't have faith for God to work, I'm just not so certain about Ch*na :-)

Waiting patiently...(but can't wait to give you that fabulous news that the call has come in!!) D

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There Will Be A Day (but it's not today)  

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

There's a relatively new song on Christian radio by Jeremy Camp called 'There Will Be A Day' that has TOTALLY been ministering to me in my struggle to wait patiently. (I'm doing much better at that, by the way--thanks for your prayers and God's strength giving me peace!)

The song is clearly about someday being with Jesus, but in this day and in this pain of waiting to be with my child, the following verse has been a soothing balm to my raw soul....


I know the journey seems so long
You feel you’re walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone
Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting


Is that not soooo beautiful? It is to me! It renews my confidence to know that I won't be waiting forever--I'm not waiting alone--And the end result will be worth it all (Yes, I know, we knew that already, but it still helps to hear it sung so beautifully)


It goes on to say:

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more,
we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always



Still waiting (patiently!! I think I can say that confidently) Blessings, D


I can't find a video version that I like to embed from Youtube, but click here to link to the song with a still picture (can't embed it, though!)

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Maybe I'm Not So Pathetic After All!!  

Friday, October 24, 2008

Sorry to keep you hanging all week...last Friday's post was quite an exciting event, huh? I refer to it now as 'my public meltdown'! I'm happy to report that very shortly after pounding my fists on Daddy's chest and crying in His arms, I felt much better! I had a greater sense of peace and, dare I say it, patience. Well, maybe not patience, maybe just a resignation that being upset wasn't solving anything and wouldn't make anything happen (except maybe to make me and everyone around me miserable) and so, I determined (yet again) to continue to wait a bit more quietly. I'm trying to be more positive...I'm trying to focus on other things....I'm trying--really, I'm trying!

Having said that, however, there has been a greater sense of expectation this week (from everyone, not just me) that an LOA is coming--SOON. We're just on the verge of 120 days (4 months!) and even most of the slow ones come by that point. I've stayed calm...I've hoped...Of course, I've prayed that God would grant our plea...Today is Friday--the last day we could hear something this week--so the tension is mounting--the expectation is high....


Each morning I get an email from Air1 radio station and each morning I read the verse and ponder it and wonder how it relates to me/how I can live it out/how will it come to pass in my life/what do I need to change to live this verse/WHAT IS IT SAYING FOR ME TODAY? Sometimes I'm glad to claim the verse and other days it's a little harder. But, I'm always hoping for a direct word of encouragement especially about our adoption process and our wait. Well, this morning when I opened my email and read the Air1 verse of the day, this is what I found:


To which I immediately replied: "NOOOOOOO!!"

If I'd thought I'd already been waiting bravely and courageously, then I would have assumed this was a sign that my wait was over--"Well done, brave and courageous servant! You have waited paitently and now I will grant your petition".....Darn....I can't claim that, because as you well know, I've been REALLY impatient!! I've been trying to pretend like I've been patient, but really, truly, probably NOT!!

You know, maybe I'm being a bit too hard on myself. I suppose there have been measures of patience peppered generously with some 'Why are You Ignoring Me?' temper tantrums and a few 'Wo is Me' sulkings as well as a handful of 'I Give Up!' moments of dispair. Is that what you would consider 'waiting patiently'? Hmmmm....maybe not. Although, when I think about King David and the Psalms, I think of HUNDREDS of verses where he says something to the effect of: "Just kill me now....life is so miserable....why have you abandoned me?....Why does everyone hate me?....Why aren't you doing something?" Basically some temper tantrums, sulkings and moments of dispair. Sound familiar? Maybe I'm not so pathetic after all! Maybe, as I said in my last post, I'm just human! Surely, God sees that I'm trying. There have been lots of moments where I've said (and meant) that I trust God's timing (even though I don't approve of it!) and that I've believed that He has the master plan all laid out (even though I don't see it yet) and that I've gone to sleep at night peacefully knowing that G's life is in His Father's hands (and that's been good enough for me.) Surely, that's something.

Ok, so I've been mostly brave and sort of courageous and have waited semi-patiently.....I wonder if that counts? Please, God, can that count for something?

**lunchtime update--got word from our agency that nothing came for us today....funny how much better I feel this week upon getting that news than I did last week (remember--public meltdown?) Maybe there's something to this 'waiting patiently for the Lord' thing!

...be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord! blessings, D

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The Ramblings of a Woman Who is Falling Apart...  

Friday, October 17, 2008

Please pray—I’m so disheartened. Looking at the calendar today I realized Thanksgiving is just 6 weeks away. Even if we had heard something today (which we didn’t--Day 112 since our paperwork arrived in China), it would be highly unlikely that we could get travel arranged before December 1. So the Sept/Oct/Nov timeframe that I’ve hoped for all year long (and even stupidly thought for a while that we might be ahead of) is now gone for us.

I don’t like it and I don’t understand it and even though I love God and trust God, I don’t like His timing and I don’t understand why He is holding us back from the child He chose for us. I feel like that parent that sometimes says “I love you, but I don’t like you right now”…except I’m not the parent, I’m His child and it upsets me that I feel that way toward Him—but it’s how I feel.

I praise Him because He’s God and even if things aren’t going the way I want them, I know He is grace and love and hope and salvation and mercy and justice and truth and for all that and so much more I am so very thankful and grateful…..but, still….I want my child…I don’t understand why it’s not time to be a family yet….what possible good reason could there be for delaying us? I feel like such a big baby and weakling to be upset over what, in the grand scheme of things, is so minor—what’s a few more days or weeks? But, come on, are those extra days and weeks really necessary????

I soooo want to wait peacefully and joyfully and gracefully, but instead, God’s pulling me along kicking and screaming and pouting and crying that I’m not getting my way—I’m sorry to be so human—I much prefer when I can stand strong and faithful and make it look like I’m some Godly woman who's got things completely under control….but honestly, that doesn't describe me at the moment!

My Streams in the Desert devotional focused yesterday on Psalm 51:17..."The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit and a contrite heart..." Well, I need to research 'contrite heart' a bit more--I think it means I can't be doing that 'kicking and screaming' thing I just mentioned; but folks, I've definitely got the 'broken spirit' part covered!

Before any of you listening (I think there's 2 of you following along) gets too upset and fears my imminent nervous breakdown...relax...I DO LOVE GOD AND TRUST HIM TO GET ME THROUGH THIS....I think I just needed that little venting time and a few minutes of uncontrollable sobbing and, most importantly, I needed to admit before God and all present that I'm a weak, broken vessel who can't do this alone! I feel tremendously better already.

Guess I'm working on that 'contrite heart' thing next...LORD help me!! I would very deeply appreciate your prayers...'that God would hurry up' might not be the most appropriate thing to ask for (but I don't mind you trying) Maybe we should ask that the waiting time would be for some good purpose instead of my current practice of staring at my phone willing it to ring. Need to focus my energies for good instead of evil (well, wastefullness, anyway) I suppose if I consider the timing, I should focus more on promoting the Operation Christmas Child ministry that I love so much. Will you join me in filling a box (or 5) between now and Nov 24?

May God Be Glorified (even when I feel like there's a dark cloud over my head)!!! Blessings, D

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Fall Family Fun  

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


This week is Fall Break for the kids, so we took advantage of a few days off and spent the weekend camping. We had absolutely gorgeous weather and a few days to spend together relaxing and having some fun. We visited a great children's museum and a fantastic pumpkin farm and most exciting of all--E learned to ride her big two-wheeler without training wheels!! LOTS OF FUN!! The only thing missing was G (or even some good news that we'll be getting him soon). We've reached Day 109 and still we wait for word...maybe soon (maybe not??) Oh--and Starbucks was missing from our trip, too--but I'm sure I'll live (I was the only one who noticed there was no Starbucks!)

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Birthday Pics!! (and finally a SMILE!)  

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

I was quite pleasantly surprised to receive pictures of G's birthday party from China today! What a blessing!




I sent a birthday package a couple weeks ago with plates/napkins/balloons and goodie bags for a few children and a gift box for G and the orphanage had a cake and my package delivered to G's foster family's home on his birthday. Looks like they had quite a spread with apples and eggs, maybe? The orphanage didn't send any names or details with the pictures, so I honestly don't know if the children at the party are from the orphanage or from the neighborhood or are maybe cousins of the foster family (maybe a new foster sibling since G's little foster sister was adopted a few months ago) ?? I think the teenage/young adult boy and two girls are the foster mom's biological children and the older woman is the foster father's mother. (I don't see the foster father in any of the pics...he must be taking them) At any rate, it looks like they had a wonderful time with a HUGE, beautiful cake and FINALLY I have a picture of my boy smiling (he's actually smiling so hard he's very squinty eyed and showing ALL his teeth, but that must mean he REALLY loved his birthday party :-)




His foster mom is wonderful about using and showing the things we have already sent him...one of the pics has a little phone toy that I sent in his first package back in March; he starts out on party day in the green and blue outfit I sent back in May and she dresses him for the party in the outfit that was in his birthday package...very sweet (now if only I can remember what size outfits I've been sending him, I'll know what to take when we travel--I think they've been 24 months and 2T's ?? I can't believe I don't know that)


Here's the best news of all--along with the photos, the orphanage director (or assistant, maybe) sent his recent measurements (28.67 lbs and 34.76 inches tall) AND she said his last transfusion was June 1!!! It's September and he looks pretty good in the pics; maybe a bit pale, but pretty healthy. If that date is correct and he hasn't needed a transfusion in 3 months, that's VERY GOOD NEWS!! We were thinking he may have needed them monthly (and in all reality they may not be giving them as often as needed, but, still...I'm pleased with the report and the fact that he looks good)



Oh how I long to hold my child....I pray it won't be long now...but these pics will hold me over for a little while longer until God decides it is time.

Love~~D

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No News is...well...no news :-(  

Friday, September 12, 2008

Okay so I'm not saying 'no news is good news'....but it's not bad news either...just 'no news'!!


Today was G's 3rd birthday and I was soooo hoping and praying to receive approval from China today, but, alas...nothing. I was really pretty bummed out this afternoon--really feeling disappointed and just, well, deflated, but God and I had a little talk and while I don't particulary care for His timing at the moment, it doesn't change the fact that I TRUST Him to be right on time. At a moment that I felt so sad and discouraged today, God gently reminded me that "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up on wings like eagles; they shall run and not grow weary, walk and not faint" Isaiah 40-31,32. This is the verse that God had already given me as G's life verse as he is facing a lifelong illness and will certainly need God's strength, but today in my weakness, I claimed it for myself, too!! (Funny how much better I felt when I did that!) Later in the day, I was walking down the hall at work and the heel of my shoe came loose and I thought "It's just one of those days"...to which God immediately replied, "Yes, child, it IS one of those days...it is a day that I have made and you shall rejoice and be glad in it!!" Yes, Lord--good point! I rejoice that even though I didn't get the news I wanted, I know it will come at the perfect time that you have ordained; even though I have some strange medical symptoms (see below), I still have breath for another day; even though G is on the other side of the world and I can't hold him on his birthday, I know his Father is holding him for me and this is the last birthday he will spend without us....Yes, I believe I will rejoice and be glad in it.....

We had some family and friends over this evening to rejoice and be glad it was G's birthday and even had our first 'Chinese' birthday cake (thanks to a friend at work who happened to be in the neighborhood of the nearest Chinese bakery about 100 miles away earlier in the week and picked it up for me). Here's a few pics of the cake and my precious children (all 4 of them!) This is the day that the Lord has made--I pray you, too, will rejoice and be glad in it!! Blessings, D

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No News...still we wait  

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Nothing from China yet...Today is day 71 since paperwork was logged-in.

Next Friday is G's 3rd birthday--I really hope to have received confirmation by then. But, then again, I have to trust God's timing and know that when He ordains it to happen, it will happen.

Hmmm...what else is going on besides waiting for the phone to ring...kids had soccer games today...My dad and stepmom have been visiting from Florida for the past couple weeks...E got a new haircut today--too cute!
I have nothing exciting to tell you...oh, here's an interesting tidbit--for the past couple of weeks I've been smelling cigarette smoke (when there is none) No one in my family smokes (yes, I'm sure), no one I work with smokes, I smell it in my car, I smell it in non-smoking establishments...everywhere! Weird, huh? I saw the ENT a week ago and he was a little baffled since I don't seem sick in any other way except the smelling smoke symptom, but we're thinking maybe I have an underlying sinus infection that has been hanging around since way back in the Spring when I was sick with a double ear infection and sinus infection and was generally more sick than I'd been in many, many years. So...we're trying a long, strong round of antibiotics to see if we can knock out anything that may be lurking, but I'm quite baffled...Anyone experienced this one before? I'd love to hear about it. I guess I win the strange medical symptom of the month award!

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What's Happening??  

Monday, September 1, 2008

Well, not much related to the adoption, (today is Day 66 of waiting for Letter of Acceptance--shouldn't be long now) but plenty has been going on in our household in the last few weeks. The kids started back to school a few weeks ago....

And, all three are playing soccer....

(oops...swing and a miss...but she has good form!!)


County Fair came to town....

WOW--I'm Tired!! We've been a busy crew.
I also sent a birthday package to China last week (to celebrate G's 3rd birthday on Sept 12), but was in such a rush to get it to the post office before the Labor Day weekend, I forgot to take any pictures! The orphanage is supposed to have a cake and take pictures for me, so maybe eventually you'll get to see some!
Hoping to hear from China any day now....please pray, as always, that we have patience to wait for God's timing!! I'll be sure to let you know right away when we get word, but for now, I'm going to call it a night....Blessings, D



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THANKS for all that supported the Benefit Concert/Silent Auction  

Tuesday, July 29, 2008





This past weekend was the Benefit Concert/Silent Auction Event to raise money for our family and our best friends' family in our adoption journies. I want to PRAISE GOD and also THANK the many, many folks who came out and who made the evening possible. We had a blast!!

We all sang our hearts out with the amazing praise band from our church....we actually got to be a real 'rock band' for part of the evening as well. For as long as I've been a part of the Praise Team, the band members have always wanted to play Sweet Home Alabama, but realistically, how can you possibly fit that into a worship service? So, concert night was part Praise and part Just-Plain-Ole-Fun...we finally jammed with Sweet Home Alabama and Brown Eyed Girl as well as some Jesus-fied secular songs like, "Spirit in the Sky" and "Some Kind of Wonderful" (Well, my Savior is Jesus Christ...He's the Way, the Truth and the Life, Don't you know that He is...Some Kinda Wonderful.....Some Kinda Wonderful...Some Kinda Wonderful...yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah---are you singing along? Me, too!)

We had a wonderfully, blessed evening with many friends and family members who came to show us love and help us bring our boys home----THANK YOU!!

Although we haven't finished tallying all the profits vs. expenses, it's looking like the evening was certainly worth all the weeks of planning, collecting auction items, promoting and such...Really, regardless of how the money turns out--the night was a success because it was such an encouragement to both of our families! I can definitely say this adoption process is tiring and relentless and I know I've been feeling like the whole world's been on my shoulders and I've been facing it all alone (which I know is not true, but the Evil One likes to trick us into feeling sorry for ourselves and I took the bait)...so to know that there are so many thinking of us and praying for us and supporting us--and for them to actually come out live and in person and show us love was a TREMENDOUS blessing and a HUGE boost to our spirits. I'm so thankful!

On a side note, but related to the adoption...there's nothing new to report about our process except that we're 1 month into the wait for China to review our paperwork. So...that's 1 month closer than we were! We're still hoping to get word from China sometime in early September and travel by the end of October or beginning of November (and with school starting in just 13 days, that's much closer than it seems!!)

Wishing you many blessings and much love~D

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It's Official--We're Logged-In!!  

Friday, June 27, 2008

Wow! After complaining that I'd been missing all the averages so far....God gave me the gift of a super-quick Log In Date of June 27, 2008--just 7 days since it was sent! Thanks God! and Thanks China! for being so quick to translate and log-in (...and for not letting our file slide off the stack and onto the floor where it is lost under a desk for 5 months--a continual anxiety of mine!!)

So...we've taken yet another important step in the journey!! Next comes Letter of Acceptance (the average I've seen for Special Needs files is about 2 1/2 months...but you know how I feel about the averages!! You just never know!!)

We're still hoping to travel by Oct/Nov (and still have many grant applications to write and wait for, so we'll need every bit of that time to get the funding secured!!)

But, we're one step further along, so LET'S CELEBRATE!! (I might just splurge on Starbucks today!!)

Blessings, D

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Trying out the YouTube link...my new skills in action  

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

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We're Ready to "Change His World"  

Monday, June 23, 2008

Hope you enjoy these few, precious glimpses of our son...
To get the music to play you must click on the speaker icon in the top left corner of the slide show. (it's supposed to play automatically, but I can't get it to work!!)


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Thursday, June 12, 2008

So, I'm playing with the 'add photo' feature now...it's been a few weeks since I actually created this blog, but I've not told anyone yet, so this is just my trial period. I've adjusted the name twice, the background a time or two...it's basic to say the least, but I'm getting my feet wet.

This photo, in case you were wondering, shows the items I sent in my most recent care package to our dear Min boy (I'm also deciding if I want to include our real names or come up with code names...hmmm, not sure!) I've been watching usps.com for tracking and the package was 'attempted delivery' status yesterday, so should be delivered by now! I wish I could be there to see him open his things. Hopefully they're taking pictures with the disposable camera I included inside. I will have a translator call in a day or two to check to see that everything arrived and to possibly get some updates. Pray that they will be willing to pass along some info (and maybe some new pics!)

I realize I've not told you much of interest yet, but bear with me, I'm just trying things out! More to come later (Fits 'n Starts, that's what I have time for right now!...maybe that would be a good name for my blog!!) Blessings!

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So call me clueless!  

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I don't even know where to begin with this blogging thing...I've been cyber-stalking so many other blogs for months now, but don't quite know where to start with my own. I'm pondering and planning right now and will get back to you shortly!!

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