journey of a blessed family

But amazingly, I'm fine! I can't believe it's been almost a month since my last post. And although that was 30 days added to our wait time, it was not nearly as painful as the previous days and weeks and months have been. Want to know why? I think I've finally mastered this 'waiting patiently for the Lord' thing that has been such a struggle for me--Praise God!

I've been reflecting back on this past month and have really seen God at work helping me to grasp the concept of 'waiting patiently'....Here's a couple excerpts from some recent emails I sent on the subject....

1) I was reading a devotional today that really spoke to me about not worrying or being upset about what's going on. (and not feeling bad about that--I think sometimes if I'm not actively thinking about it or if I haven't said at least three prayers by breakfast then I must not be doing enough even though I know constantly worrying about it is just spinning my wheels)

The scripture passage is from Genesis 50:15-21 where Joseph's father has died and his brothers are worried that Joseph will seek revenge. It includes the passage "What you intended for evil, God meant for good...."

The devotional says, "Sometimes our worry is the thread by which we hang onto the belief that we can do something to change our situation and end our fear. (yep, right so far) As ridiculous as it is, we believe that our anxiety gives us some measure of control. Or we believe it keeps God mindful of our problem. We are afraid that without the pressure of our fear, He might forget what we want from Him. But our anxiety and demanding prayers accomplish nothing. We fear giving up our fear because if we don't worry, who will remember to care? If we don't worry, would God decide we really aren't concerned about the issue? If we don't worry, are we giving up hope of God involving Himself in our world? (any of this hitting home so far or am I the only one it's speaking directly to?)

I think I actually gave up a week or so ago on being worried about timing--sure I'd have loved to have had my son by now or at least by Christmas, but at this point I'm shooting for Easter and anything sooner will just be a bonus!! (Lower expectations means less disappointment!) It actually seems to be working--I've been far less stressed about whether or not the phone is going to ring. If it does, great...if not, I'll just go about my business... it feels slightly like giving up, but I'm not withdrawing my dossier or anything...the adoption will still happen, but my anxiety is pointless, so why bother? [is this what resting in peace feels like--giving up???] That might have just been an epiphany!! :-)

2) When I released my expectation (demand) of traveling by Christmas, then it became less difficult to see each day pass and easier to rest on the truth that "it'll happen when God says it will happen" ?? I guess that's a good thing. It kind of feels like I've given up, but maybe that's what waiting in peace feels like?? I give up MY WILL for His.

3) It's been amazing lately how calm I've been with the wait. Of course I want to hear something RIGHT NOW, but I've somehow been able to say, "it's fine...If God doesn't want us to go yet, I trust Him to take care of G until He sends us" (and actually mean it!) Truly, I'd love to have news of our LOA before Thanksgiving--I hope God grants me that request. It was Thanksgiving Day last year that my husband gave me the great gift of agreeing that we should proceed with adopting G; so the timing would be nice if we could hear something in the next few days.

So, maybe you can also see that God has been working on my heart...I hope He's almost finished with this renovation (or this phase of the renovation, anyway) and can let us move on to the next step.

We did get some positive news a week or so ago that "our file was through the Review Room and awaiting issuance of our LOA" That means if they had had any questions or problems with our file, they would have asked them already--yay! but, I have no idea how long the next step will take--boo! So, I've been cautiously joyous and thankful to have taken another small step on the journey with a slight hint of 'I'll believe it [and be truly joyful] when I see it!' thrown in for good measure. (That does NOT mean I don't have faith for God to work, I'm just not so certain about Ch*na :-)

Waiting patiently...(but can't wait to give you that fabulous news that the call has come in!!) D